You're not an Empath. How to Live + Thrive as a Highly Sensitive Person.

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Video Transcript:

If you’re someone who has heard the phrase “you’re too sensitive,” or someone who considers themselves an empath or is easily affected by other people’s moods, OR you’re someone who is easily stimulated by light, color, texture, sound, etc, OR processes emotions and thoughts in a way that feels deeper, finds themselves analyzing all the time and feels things that other people don’t seem to? Then hi. You might just be a highly sensitive person.

Being a highly sensitive person is not a medical diagnosis or a medical condition and does not require treatment, so as someone who understands themselves to have been highly sensitive her entire life, I feel 100% empowered to share this video.

In this video, I’m breaking down High Sensitivity. What it is, the good, the bad, the ugly, and what I personally do so that things don’t end up getting ugly for me so I can enjoy living my life with the perspective that high sensitivity is actually a gift.

Whether you’ve been here before or you’re new to me, welcome to my corner of the internet. I’m Melanie Santos – mind, body, spirit wellness educator and creator, energy practitioner, spiritual medium and guide, and Kundalini Yoga Priestess.

I’m super passionate about creating space for discovery, healing, learning how to live intentionally, embracing our nuances as energy beings in human bodies, and talking about all the things we can do to align with our Divine truth and the absolute best experience we could have in this life. In my community, we’re all about real, practical, holistic self-care for collective liberation.

What does it mean to be a Highly Sensitive Person?

Again, High Sensitivity isn’t a disorder or a condition. It’s actually a personality trait known as sensory-processing sensitivity (SPS), not to be confused with sensory processing disorder.

As I go into the topic, I’m going to quote info from medical journals and research, most of which originated with Dr. Elaine Aron, a clinical research psychologist and author of the book “The Highly Sensitive Person.”

I talked about this in my most recent mental health update video, but learning that I was a Highly Sensitive Person and reading this book quite literally changed my life.

After suffering from feeling grossly misunderstood, feeling like I was super high or super low all of the time and never in balance like I was some sort of freak who couldn’t live a normal life because I felt everything around me at all times and it was all insanely overwhleming, reading Dr. Aron’s book opened me up to the world of High Sensitivity. It made me feel like WOW I’m not odd, I’m not a freak. Actually, according to Dr. Aron (who developed the concept of highly sensitive persons in the 90s) 15-20% of people are HSPs.

Let’s get into the science. Don’t skip this part, here’s what you need to know:

A highly sensitive person is a neurodivergent individual whose brain is wired differently, and because of it, has an increased or deeper central nervous system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli.

Being an HSP depends on various factors like evolution, environment, genetics, and early childhood experiences, and research says the trait exists in at least 100 other species aside from humans.

“DOES” is a helpful way to remember the four pillars of High Sensitivity:

D is for depth of processing O is for Over-arousal E is for Empathy and S is for Sensory specific sensitivity.

And all of this is due to the biological differences in the highly sensitive brain.

HSPs are uniquely wired to process everything more deeply. The parts of the brain responsible for visual and attention processing (specifically the cingulate and premotor area) are stronger and more active than in a neurotypical brain.

The HS brain never really shuts off – its quite literally always going and processing much more than the average person’s.

The genes responsible for serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine are vastly different in the HS brain too.

You might know Serotonin as a chemical that carries messages between nerve cells in the brain and throughout your body. It plays a key role in functions like mood, sleep, digestion, etc.

The Serotonin transporter is a chemical that transports serotonin out of the brain. HSPs have a variant of the serotonin transporter gene that decreases serotonin in the brain and increases sensitivity to our surroundings.

You might know Dopamine as the “feel good” chemical. We all need the right amount of dopamine for our brain and body to function. Due to the HS brain's unique response to stimuli, the way in which the HSP responds to dopamine is different. Our reward and pleasure center isn’t phased like a neurotypical person’s because a HSP is less driven by external reward as a form of validation.

Norepinephrine also known as noradrenaline, is both a neurotransmitter and a hormone. It plays an important role in our body's “fight-or-flight” response, helping the body process stress.

A variant of the norepinephrine gene is common in HSPs, making processing emotions internally and externally extra intense. An HSP may also notice emotional nuances that others don’t pick up on at all, hence having a super increased capacity for empathy.

Also making us more capable to be empaths, the HS brain has more active mirror neurons.

Mirror neurons are a type of brain cell that respond equally when we perform an action and when we witness someone else perform that same action. Like when we yawn when someone else yawns.

Having more active mirror neurons makes HSPs capable of understanding people's emotions on a much deeper level. It quite literally makes us more susceptible to taking on or mirroring the feelings of others.

Also super active in the HS brain? The insular cortex. The part of the brain that attunes us to what’s happening within the body, from needing to use the bathroom to wanting to cry. This amplifies the processing of bodily sensations, even imbuing them with emotional qualities.

Is your mind not completely blown?!

There’s so much more I can go into scientific detail about here, but these are the overall biological differences in the HS brain and the ones that blew MY mind to learn when I was doing my own research and committing to reformatting the ways that I live and care for myself so that I could have an easier and more well-rounded human experience.

Let’s talk about that…let’s get into what all of this means in the real world, the good, the bad, the ugly, and what I personally do as a Highly Sensitive Person for a more balanced human experience.

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

Let’s refer to DOES as we break down the good, the bad, the ugly. I’ll also share specific self-care recommendations that I’ve adopted in my life as a Highly Sensitive being that keep me thriving mentally, physically, spiritually, and energetically.

Let’s talk about depth of processing.

People immediately associate processing with this lengthy operation of breaking things down to understand something on a deeper level, but as HSPeople we just…do. Like, our brains are always firing away…perceiving, breaking things down, making connections, and mentally digesting things from all angles.

How fire is that?!

When it comes to processing emotions, people, and relationships, depth of processing gives us the opportunity to be deeply intentional, to listen more closely, to pay attention to details and catch nuances that others won’t.

Depth of processing makes you keenly aware of everything, and if you are grounded spiritually, exist in an energy of love, worthiness, and authenticity, it’s truly a recipe for a gorgeous sense of self-awareness, really deep, nourishing conversations, magical relationships, and connections in which you can physically feel the alignments happening…or misalignment which is loud, clear, and necessary too.

But what happens on the other side? WHEN DEPTH OF PROCESSING CAN GET OR FEEL BAD

Just like a computer heats up when it’s been on and processing too long, our brains and bodies can become overstimulated if we don’t make a conscious effort to power down.

This is especially the case if our depth of processing is mixed in with unprocessed complex trauma, a constant feeling of lack of safety due to being rooted in survival, self-loathing, lack of worthiness, anxious attachment styles, etc.,

…then awareness becomes hyper-vigilance, deep conversations are the stuff of nightmares, engaging with others authentically in relationships can be really, really challenging, and our mind can feel like it’s going on an incessant loop. This isn’t only draining on the mind, but on the body, and the spirit too.

At its ugliest…depth of processing can result in really poor mental health, the inability to move forward, make decisions, be rooted in what’s actually your truth and not what your brain has perceived and is telling you stories about…it can be detrimental.

I am definitely speaking from experience here.

When I’m great I’m the most conscious and intentional listener and communicator, a true artist in the way that I can understand and spit things back out, but when it’s gotten ugly for me, I’ve become completely paralyzed, drowning in severe depression and anxiety, not able to stand in my truth because of the stories I’ve told myself. I lost a lot because of this, but mostly I’ve lost respect, time, and relationships over my lifetime.

Since then, I’ve learned to give myself pause. To prioritize stillness so that my mind, body, and spirit won’t have a chance to get tangled in the web of my depth of processing.

If you resonate with being an HSP, I have two words for you: Meditation and breathwork.

I know I know…but I bet you’ve never thought about this, but the only thing your mind and body will obey is your breath. When you’re not breathing, you’re nothing.

When you combine conscious breathing with stillness and silence, you give yourself active pause. Its not that you’ll stop processing (because now you know that’s impossible), but you give yourself fences to stay within. You can still see through the fences, but your breathing will keep you in check.

Try it. Start with guided breathwork and meditation. I have meditations on this channel and on my Instagram page, and I have an in-depth recorded class on my website where I break down 10+ essential breathwork techniques to regulate your nervous system. You can visit melaniesantos.co/classes or click the link in the description box, and because you’re watching this now and you just liked this video (right) you can use the code YOUTUBE to take 20% off your purchase.

Now Over-arousal and sensory sensitivity.

Get your mind out of the gutter if you only associate arousal sexually. To become aroused just means to awaken a feeling, emotion, or response, and because of the HS brains ability to process everything much deeper than the neurotypical brain, arousal is an all the time thing.

Yes, literally brain orgasms. If you know you know.

When it’s good, its so amazing.

As an artsy fartsy music-obsessed creative being, I LOVE deeply engaging with stimuli and flowing with my arousal.

It allows me to get pleasurably lost in things, to experience the magic in art, music, and movement. I am always that girl crying at the museum cus a painting or sculpture moved me, or closing my eyes at a concert to feel the music raise the little hairs all over my body…

and I cannot explain the process of creating something myself…it’s…other wordly.

Arousal makes my aura expand and shine brighter than ever.

But what happens on the other side? WHEN AROUSAL BECOMES OVER-AROUSAL

Over-arousal can be characterized by the mind and body taking in TOO much. When there is too much visual, auditory, and energetic stimuli – lights, color, sound, people, texture, feeling – it can overwhelm our extra-sensitive nervous system, activate our fight or flight response, and raise our cortisol levels, our stress hormone, because our body can perceive TOO much stimuli as a threat.

Of course, this isn’t the case, but to the HS brain, its all the same.

This one is really hard for me, and I think it can be for most people, especially if they are highly sensitive extroverts which make up 30% of HSP.

Think about it: You’re out, you’re aroused by all the amazing sights, sounds, colors, tastes, textures, and you don’t know how to stop! You don’t wanna stop because it feels so good! So you keep going until….you crash.

For me, that overstimulated crash, again, looks like going from a manic state to deep depression – unable to engage with anything or anyone at all. I go from extrovert to introvert reeeally quickly.

Why? Because maybe I wasn’t giving myself pause and prioritizing the routines and structures that keep me and my nervous system in harmony with myself and my surroundings.

I will say, living in a city, you won’t need to be out enjoying yourself to become over-aroused. You could be doing monotonous things day to day and still become overstimulated by your environment and the actions you’re performing.

I am a New York City native who has experienced mental health issues all her life – I would know.

So what I do besides prioritize stillness and conscious breathing is make sure that my home is optimized for my sensitive nervous system.

When the outside is noisy and cluttered and dirty, I can count on my sacred space being just that. We keep Casa de Mewy (anywhere we live, thats our home’s name) very clean, uncluttered, still aesthetically pleasing to our style, but beautiful and calming to the spirit, and overall, extremely cozy and accessible.

Besides depth of processing paralyzing our moves, it’s why my husband and I have taken so long to finish furnishing and decorating our space. We’re very intentional about the things we bring into our home.

Next, I make sure that I energetically cleanse myself every day, and especially after being around other spaces and people. This is so incredibly important.

We have an electromagnetic field that extends beyond our physical body. That field is our aura and it serves a few functions for us:

It acts as an energetic boundary, it is the magnetic field through which we project our energy and intentions as well as where we receive energy. If we are not consistent with our energetic hygiene, we are quite literally going to bed with and living with the energy of other people, places and things in our personal space.

Overstimulation can happen as a result of having too much in and around our aura too so remember this because this is the way I teach it to my community: Energy is like bacteria. Some of it is good, some of it is bad, but all of it will stick to you.

You can do anything you want to cleanse your energy field, but if you have no idea where to start, I also have a comprehensive recorded class all about this. It’s super affordable and it’s really detailed, breaking down what it means to be an energy being in a human body, why it matters, and most importantly, giving you various options for cleansing and protecting your energy from free.99 to all types of budgets. To get access to the class, visit melaniesantos.co/classes, and reminder: you can use the code YOUTUBE to take 20% off your purchase.

Lastly, let’s get into empathy.

I’m talking to you empaths. I know, I was one of you too.

“So YoU’Re NoT aN EmPaTh AnYmORe?!”

Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. But an empath’s ability to feel for someone goes beyond empathy. An empath literally feels what others feel at their own emotional level, becoming unable to discern what’s their feelings from what is someone else’s.

If you know you know.

Being an empath is extremely draining. It’s like having a conversation, walking down the street, or even watching someone on TV and becoming enmeshed with the other person and their emotions even though you don’t have first-person experience with whatever they’re talking about or going through.

As an HSP, we don’t have the option to “turn it off” because, again, of the way our brains and mirror neurons are set up, but…

because I am so intentional about my energetic hygiene and my personal boundaries, I no longer subscribe to being an empath….because I don’t want to.

There was a time in my life when I felt like I had to succumb to being an empath, to constantly giving up my energy to others. I know better now. Besides having the self-awareness to step away as needed, all of the routines and self-care choices I’ve mentioned in this video, have helped me a so much, but most recently, learning the intricacies of Kundalini Yoga and integrating its technology into my daily life has been incredibly healing for my mind, body, and spirit as an ex-empath.

I have a playlist of videos on Kundalini Yoga that you can check out, but basically, Kundalini Yoga is the fastest way to create transformation and align your mind, body, and spirit. It weaves together pranayama (breathwork), kriyas and asanas (strategic postures), meditation, and mantra to shift your glandular, electromagnetic, circulatory, and nervous system, and raise your Kundalini energy (the atomic energy of creative consciousness) and unlock the God and Universe within and beyond ourselves.

For me, Kundalini yoga is way for me to prioritize stillness and conscious breathing for my depth of processing and arousal, strengthen my aura so that I am both protected from too much stimuli, and so that I am projecting centered thoughts and energy into the Universe, and its roots me in SAT NAM – that truth my name and my identity. That I don’t have to take on the energy of anything or anyone that isn’t my truth. It’s been a God-send. Literally. Which is why I’m teaching it and sharing it from my perspective now.

I recommend you check out my budding Kundalini Yoga playlist of videos, and taking a class or joining me for a New Moon Kundalini portal if you’re interested. Visit melaniesantos.co/kundaliniyoga.

***

I hope that this video has given you a well-rounded understanding on what it is to be a Highly Sensitive Person, how to navigate and care for yourself…because it isn’t a curse. It’s truly a gift to be able to see, feel, and experience the world in this way. To be neurodivergent, or how I say it, neurosparkly can be challenging in a world build for neurotypical people, but taking the time to invest in your knowledge of YOU, taking steps and changing your foundations so that you can thrive, is one the best forms of self-love. So shoutout to you.

If you appreciate this video, please give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel for more mind, body, spirit wellness, healing, alignment, and identity content. And please share the love – send this to someone who you think can benefit from it.

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